


he walks away, the sun goes down

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Moon Taeil is Whipped, Moon Taeil-centric, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Texting, don't be suspicious. don't BE suspicious., idiots to lovers, very teeny tiny hints of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26544088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: All Taeil has to do is survive the five weeks that Haechan is on tour with NCT Dream. It turns out to be harder than he initially thought it would be.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 233





	he walks away, the sun goes down

**Author's Note:**

> i am supposed to be writing something else…  
> but i got obsessed over this idea and once i shared it on twitter and got some feedback, i had to write it
> 
> huge thanks to everyone who cheered me on, especially to killsometime on ao3/cerisetaeil on twitter and dojaefairy on both ao3 and twitter
> 
> title from tears dry on their own by amy winehouse

The atmosphere in the dorms is different in the week leading up to it. That is always the case. Over the years they’ve become so tight-knit that if any of them aren’t at the dorms, it just doesn’t feel right. He doesn’t want to give into that. He needs to stay happy and positive so he won’t worry anyone.

Taeil knows that the feeling has an expiration date, Haechan and Mark will be back in five weeks. That doesn’t ease his mind though. And it seems as though it doesn’t matter to Haechan either cause in the days leading up to his departure he’s much more affectionate than normal. He basically doubles the amount of time that he holds Taeil’s hand, he tries to kiss his cheek more often. After he asks for a hug, which Taeil can never deny him, Haechan holds him more tightly. Haechan’s that way with everyone leading up to it. So Taeil assumes that they’re in a similar headspace, and he doesn’t want to add onto it. He’s gonna miss Haechan, but Haechan’s gonna miss everyone here.

It’s not like they haven’t been apart in the six months since Taeil realized he has feelings for Haechan. They have. Taeil’s preparing for his solo debut and Haechan’s been working on the Dream comeback and tour for a while. They get separated on the daily. They haven’t separated for more than two days, though. Just one single week sounds difficult enough, but Taeil’s gonna do his best to deal. He hasn’t told anyone about his feelings, or about his current concerns. He doesn’t want to be found out now.

Haechan’s leaving in two days, but he’ll be back in 38. That’s all Taeil needs to focus on.

* * *

Taeil doesn’t expect it to be easy, he does in fact expect it to be difficult. He doesn’t expect it to be as difficult as it is the evening before Haechan and Mark leave for tour. This, right now, doesn’t make sense.

The sinking feeling in his stomach when he thinks about Haechan being gone is only made worse by the fact that Haechan has something planned. A night out with just the two of them, one that he invites Taeil to that same day.

“It’s my last night before tour and I want to do something fun with you.”

Taeil would never say no to that.

He wants to look nice for the occasion without giving himself away, but since his personal fashion sense consists of sweatpants and whatever’s comfortable, and since he hasn’t gone shopping for so long, he has to ask for help. Subtly. Luckily he has a dongsaeng that always let’s him borrow things from his closet. He goes to Jaehyun and leaves it in his hands. He has a good taste, Taeil trusts him with this.

He still looks casual in the end, the dress code Haechan set when Taeil asked him how he should dress. Just with a sprinkle of refined.

Haechan gets to the 10th floor in the exact moment that he told Taeil would, surprising everyone with his punctuality since it doesn’t happen that often. He insisted on it, he referred to it as picking him up. Pitting it that way, it almost sounds like a date. It’s not a date. Taeil can’t think like that.

The night out Haechan has planned starts at an arcade. Absolutely not romantic at all. Taeil can’t believe that thought ever crossed his mind.

They move from machine to machine, playing video games that seem fun. They drink, and joke around, and Haechan ends up getting overly invested in winning stuffed animals from a claw machine, so Taeil does the same on the machine next to him. The point of it, apparently, is to exchange the stuffed animals they get. Taeil realizes this as Haechan says thank you and grabs the one he won. He then shoves the three he’s won as a replacement.

“Something to remember me by while I’m on tour,” Haechan says to him with a smile as he places the toys in Taeil’s hands. That’s the first out of two gifts that Taeil receives that evening. The second arrives when they get dinner later. He takes Taeil to the noodle place where they ate on what Haechan later declared the most fun night out he’s had. There Haechan gives him five potted plants that he buys from the flower shop next door while Taeil waits for their order. Five. That’s one for each week. “Keep them alive while I’m on tour, okay? And send me updates.” Taeil gets what Haechan’s up to. He’s approaching it from the point of view of a friend going away and leaving a friend on their own. So he offers something to hold Taeil over in the meantime. He knows how invested Taeil gets, so he gives him a new hobby. Taeil doesn’t mind it, quite the opposite. He just wishes that he had thought that far ahead, something to give Haechan. That one stuffed turtle will have to do.

If it’s so difficult now, Taeil can only imagine how difficult it’ll be when he’s actually on tour.

* * *

“Call me or text me when you miss me.”

It’s ten am and they’re all saying goodbye on the 5th floor. It’s a tradition that they have for whenever solo or other group activities keep them away from the dorms for too long.

“Don’t expect me to. I’ve been looking forward to peace for so long,” Doyoung jokes. They all know that he’ll be one of the first to call them both to ask about the flight and how they’re settling down. His actions speak louder than his words.

“I wasn’t talking to you, hyung,” Haechan says before he smiles at Taeil. Their friends groan.

“You mean if I miss you,” he returns, smirking suggestively. Of course he’s gonna miss him. But saying it now will just make it harder for him and on top of that, Taeil isn’t trying to expose himself at the moment.

“Ei! Illie-ah! Don’t play coy. When you miss me.”

“Okay. I will,” Taeil promises, offering a quick smile, “You do the same.”

“Of course I will,” Haechan smiles back. He looks at Taeil carefully, as if he’s memorizing him. The gesture makes Taeil feel some really weird butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Haechan then pulls him into a hug, squeezing tighter than Taeil ever remembers.

“You two are cute and all, but we’re gonna be late,” Mark protests, prompting Taeil to let go of the hug for a bit so he can gesture at him that this is all up to Haechan. Why did Mark say it the way he did?

“Come on, group hug,” Taeyong suggests. Taeil can feel Haechan hesitating before he lets go, expanding the hug so it includes everyone else. It’s a nice moment, up until Taeyong’s reminder to Haechan that he should behave, and the one to Mark to call if there are any issues. After that there’s no more reason for the two youngest not to head out.

“See you in 36 days,” Haechan says, and it once again feels like it’s aimed at Taeil.

Or maybe he’s wrong. Maybe he is completely off because he’s lovesick and too afraid to tell the person he has feelings for that he has said feelings.

Either or.

* * *

Taeil spends the first few days weirdly obsessed with the plants Haechan gave him.

He starts off by going online and typing in the Latin name of each plant that he reads off the pots and finding some weird blog that tells him how to take care of it in the results. As he realizes that most of the sites with information about the plants are in English, because of course they are, he goes downstairs and kindly asks Johnny to translate what they’re saying, because he needs to know correct information. This is important.

“You’re taking this way too seriously,” Johnny tells him when they get to plant number three on Taeil’s list. He in turn pretends he doesn’t hear the accusation. Haechan asked him to do it, of course he’s gonna take it seriously. Maybe the ‘way too’ Johnny adds has more to do with the fact that Taeil is taking notes from what Johnny is translating to him, but if he doesn’t, he’ll forget. If he forgets he’s gonna fuck it up. He can’t fuck this up.

“I’m adequately obsessed with it, thank you. They’re living things. I need to take care of them.”

Johnny sighs and goes back to translating for him, while Taeil takes more notes.

Two of the plants need to be watered with a small amount of water every day, while the other three have to be watered every 3 weeks or so, also with small amounts of water. Taeil transfers those conclusions into his calendar, scheduling watering for the periods of the day when he knows he’s awake and at home.

The next step of him taking care of the plants is repotting them. Something he also learns about from the blog posts online. He gets Jungwoo to go with him to a shop nearby and he picks up new, larger and colorful pots. It’s Jungwoo’s job to carry them, while Taeil takes care of the sack of soil. The man at the store promises Taeil that it’ll be enough. He hopes the man is right. The sack isn’t light. It’s not easy to carry for the entire walk back home. Maybe they should’ve taken a cab, but Jungwoo says he likes to walk. It’s the least Taeil can do for the favor Jungwoo’s doing him.

Doyoung insists to help him with the repotting, so Taeil doesn’t make a mess. He also got a plastic sheet from the store, Doyoung insisted that he does, for the same reason. Neither of them actually know what they’re doing, but they do their best to move the plants from one pot to the next without damaging the roots, and Taeil can say with certainty that they’re successful with it. He knows because he treats those plants like they’re his children, he does his usual thing of getting too invested in something too quickly.

He sets the plants by the window, making sure they all receive a lot of sun. To no one’s surprise, least of all Taeil’s, all the plants require full sun exposure. Almost as if someone, let’s not say who, had it all planned. That is something Taeil’s absolutely sure of, but at the same time he needs to forget it right away. He can’t have that state of mind. Nothing is going on. It’s all in his head.

Once the deed is done, Taeil takes a picture of all the plants set up by the window and sends it to Haechan.

_[IMG19712.jpeg]_  
_I put them all in bigger pots and they’re all safe and healthy._

_For now…_

Haechan follows the quip with a picture of the stuffed turtle on his bed and his hand doing a peace sign in front of it. The fact that he actually took it with him makes Taeil smile, satisfying a side of him that he likes to pretend he doesn’t have. At the same time it also makes Taeil miss him so very much. He spent the entire day occupied with the plants, and he didn’t think about it. Now it’s suddenly all he can think about.

The next picture Haechan sends makes it worse.

_[IMG30684.jpeg]_  
_Not sorry, but I borrowed without asking._

Haechan is smiling in the selfie, wearing one of Taeil’s shirts. Holy fuck. Taeil needs to remind himself not to read into it. Not to overthink. Haechan has borrowed his clothes before without asking and Taeil has no idea why, cause everyone else in the group dresses better than he does, but Haechan has still done it. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything!

_Keep me updated on the plants!_

The selfie prompts Taeil to go and check his closet, see what else is missing. He doesn’t care about the clothes really. He just needs to know so he can prepare at least a little for the next time Haechan drops a bomb on him like this one.

* * *

Taeil checks Haechan’s room too. Since he’s up for teasing with Taeil’s clothes, Taeil can do the same. He gets a few hoodies, but maybe more important than that, he gets Haechan’s body pillow from downstairs. He sleeps with it, hugging it to his body all night long. It’s helpful, but not helpful enough.

Missing Haechan consists of listening to the playlists they’ve made together for shits and giggles, sitting with the plants and checking on them constantly, and looking at the stuffed animals that sit on the shelf opposite of his bed.

Luckily for him, he’s gonna get busy soon. He’s gonna go back to the studio tomorrow, work on the solo a bit more. He needs the distraction.

“I am really bored,” Yuta announces this when they get back to their room after lunch.

“Me too,” Taeil returns. What he needs more than anything in this moment, as his mind goes back to the photo of Haechan in his shirt, is to have something replace that. If Yuta has an idea of where they could go, he’d love to go with him. Anywhere, really.

“Of course you are. Let’s go do something.”

Taeil agrees. Him and Yuta go out often. They’re very compatible with their characters, that’s why they’re roommates and that’s why they like hanging out. Taeil also likes how well Yuta knows the city, how much he goes exploring. He always finds somewhere new where they could go so Taeil’s curious as to where Yuta’s going to take him tonight. They end up in a new noraebang Yuta had found, and then they go to a barbecue place. They invite Jaehyun with them. Jaehyun’s always fun to hang out with, and lately he’s been busy with filming, so they figure he needs a break from the routine as much as they do. The distraction is more than welcomed for all of them.

Jaehyun talks about how filming’s going. Yuta talks about the dance cover he’s preparing. Taeil talks about the songs he’s writing for the album. It keeps his mind away from Haechan for a few hours.

But once they get back to the dorms, he thinks about him. He thinks about the ‘text me when you miss me’ comment, and he decides to do exactly that.

_Went out with friends._  
_[IMG19746.jpeg]_

_Me too._  
_[IMG30711.jpeg]_  
_Mine are lamer tbh._  
_I’d rather be eating barbecue and drinking with Yuta and Jaehyun._

_That sounds nice. Can I come?_

_You’re getting cheeky._

_I hang out so much with you that it was bound to happen._

* * *

The hangover is as welcome as the distraction. It somehow keeps him from missing Haechan.

He’s hangover in the studio that day. It’s not a recording day, luckily, he has a whole lot more production to take care of. But it works in his favor. Between the headache, the chugging of water that he has to do to ease said headache, and the focus he needs to finish the song, he thinks about Haechan just a little.

Only 30 more days.

Maybe he’ll own up to his feelings then.

* * *

When the instrumentals are done, what’s left are lyrics. That’s Taeil’s process this time. He normally works with at least an idea of what he wants the song to be about, if not already a draft of the lyrics. But lyrics have been hard for him to write ever since he realized his feelings.

It’s obvious who and what he’s going to write about, whose taste buds he’s been composing for. Finding the right words is more difficult though. It’s hard to write love songs about someone when they’re not around when you’re desperately trying not to write about missing them. All Taeil can write lyrics about is unrequited love and pining after someone. It all sounds great in theory, the issue is that he can’t get too repetitive by only talking about the same thing. If only all of this wasn’t impossible for him without Haechan.

He’ll have to find a way to work through this. He has two months before his deadline, in the meantime he’ll try to forget about it. If there’s ever a time for him to try to get over those feelings brewing inside him, then this is it.

* * *

It might be the perfect opportunity, but it’s not really easy.

After another long day of working on the songs, tweaking the instrumentals, but not getting any lyrics down, Taeil lies in his bed, unable to fall asleep. His mind keeps drifting back to months ago, when he realized what was going on in his heart, how confusing and saddening it was.

Unrequited love is simply the worst.

_How’s the solo going?_

He doesn’t expect Haechan to text him the question when he does. It is something they talk about, Haechan always wanting to know as many details about it as he can. But it’s barely morning in the US. Taeil doesn’t expect him to think about his solo first thing in the morning.

_Lyrics are evil._

_On what planet?_

_Planet I can’t concentrate._

_Are you doubting yourself?_  
_I might be able to help._

_How?_

_A very loud pep talk._  
_You know the kind._

By which he means screaming at someone about how talented they are and how they shouldn’t doubt themselves. He has a habit of doing that. Whenever any member expresses any doubt, Haechan yells it away.

_Aren’t you on a tour bus?_

_Yes._  
_AND everyone is asleep_

_Then how do you plan to do that then?_

_Who cares about them. It’s been 10 days since I’ve been extra loud. We both NEED this._

_Forget about it._  
_Be more considerate._

_Fine._  
_I’m gonna have to do it when I get back then._

_Even if I’m done by then?_

_Especially if you’re done._  
_There’s no point in this doubt right now if you just get it done by the time I come back._

_I never said I’m doubting myself, I just said I can’t concentrate._

_Yes you can. You just don’t want to._

_Someone woke up in a fighting mood._

_And yelling mood_  
_You don’t deserve this attitude_  
_I’ll talk to you later_

_Have a good day_

_Sweet dreams Illie_

It’s so much easier for him to fall asleep after Haechan wishes him a goodnight.

* * *

“How far have you come with the lyrics?” Taeyong asks Taeil.

He came up moments ago, and immediately sat down on the couch with him and Yuta in the 10th floor living room. Neither of them expected Taeyong to sit down with them. The leader makes a trip upstairs on the daily, checking on his members. Taeyong’s available for everyone at all times, and Taeil really admires him for it. He doesn’t know how he does it. He’s just one man, and there’s twenty people he cares for. So Taeil tries not to be of trouble. He doesn’t want to add onto the pressure and stress Taeyong must be feeling. He also tries to be there for him, someone needs to be that person and Taeil is more than happy to try. It’s the least he can do.

With all of that in mind, Taeil still expected Taeyong to be upstairs for Jaehyun and whatever those two have going on.

“I started,” Taeil says to him, offering a smile.

“You should finish,” Taeyong smiles back.

“I can’t focus enough to write lyrics.”

Taeyong somehow knows exactly what Taeil’s saying even though he doesn’t say it.

“It’s been less than two weeks.”

Yuta nods, agreeing with it. Then he says, “Trust me, he hates it more than you.”

Yuta knows too? Is Taeil that obvious?

Play it safe, Moon. Play it dumb.

“I don’t know what you two are talking about.”

Taeyong looks at both of them. He sighs, seemingly making a decision.

“I’m sending you with him next time. I’m paying for the hotels myself. Watching you mope around isn’t worth it,” he then announces.

That would be perfect. Taeil might take him up on that offer. If he didn’t have the studio already booked, he would go right now. But he really needs to work on the solo, he’s supposed to begin recording the songs he already wrote lyrics for. He would also go right now if it didn’t expose all of his feelings. He can’t ruin the friendship like that.

“I’m not moping. I have no reason to mope. I’m just having writer’s block.” he attempts to clear the air, only to inspire Taeyong to try to reason with him in a different way.

“You’re a grown man. Own up to it.”

“You say that like it’s easy for you every time you’re promoting with SuperM. You don’t miss Jaehyun?” Yuta asks him. One thing Taeil will always be sure of is that Yuta will have his back. The blush on Taeyong’s face is enough of an answer. “Exposed,” Yuta chuckles. Taeyong shakes his head, then he clears his throat.

“You’ll get through it. What’s three more weeks.”

“It’s 24 more days, actually,” Taeil says it before he even gets a chance to think about what is coming out of his mouth. He’s exposed too.

“You’re counting down?” Yuta laughs.

“Whipped,” Taeyong joins Yuta.

“Me whipped? You’re no better. These are thin walls, Yongie.”

Taeil doesn’t plan to take it further. He imagines he’s as loud as he would be. Yuta though, does have an idea as to what to add to the conversation.

“Yeah. We didn’t take you for someone with a daddy kink.”

Taeyong’s so red in the face that it seems as though he’s gonna burst from the pressure building up inside him.

“If it makes you any better, I’m a bottom too,” Taeil attempts to decrease the embarrassment on Taeyong’s face. It’s getting concerning. But it turns out that the entire thing is really light-hearted, actually. Despite Taeyong shyness.

“Of course you are a bottom. I have a reputation to withhold,” Taeyong jokes too.

“Can’t relate,” Yuta quips at the same time as Taeil says, “There’s no such thing.”

He catches himself then. He’s tone of voice. The facial expression he’s attempting, the sass with a tiny pout. He’s starting to act exactly like Haechan.

“You know, I didn’t come here to have this conversation.”

“What did you come here for then?”

“Not this,” Taeyong exhales. He stands up and heads towards Jaehyun and Jungwoo’s room, “Go check up on Illie-hyung,” Taeyong mocks with his voice, “I gotta go tell the youngest that the oldest is fine and is just mocking me for having more balls than him,” he finally says.

What?

“More balls in every sense of the phrase,” Yuta adds, “Thank you for checking up on us. Try to keep it down in the future,” he calls after Taeyong. He waits for the leader to be out of sight, then he whispers to Taeil, “They’re just going to get louder.”

“You poked the beast,” Taeil says.

Yuta looks at him with slight concern, and Taeil tries to smile it away. Everything’s fine. It doesn’t mean anything. Haechan’s just worried because Taeil complained and Taeyong has no clue what he’s talking about.

There’s nothing going on. Honest.

* * *

There isn’t too much work to be done on the instrumentals anymore. Taeil finishes the last song, and now he’s really stuck with only writing lyrics on his to-do list.

He misses Haechan a whole lot more than usual that day. While he is in the studio, finishing on the harmonies on the bridge, he is thinking about him and that time they were out with everyone for New Year’s and how fun it was. How much fun it was since out of all the people in the world he had Haechan by his side. His soulmate.

A love he’ll never own up to because he doesn’t want to jeopardize what they already have.

He gets to the dorms around dinner time, and he feels hungry for something very specific. He’s tired, he’s sad, he really needs to use the bathroom, and his backpack feels like it’s pulling on his shoulders, but he made a plan on his walk back, and he wants to know if anyone else is up for it.

He finds all of his members in the same place, this time on the fifth floor.

“Did you guys eat yet?”

“No. We’re just talking about where to order from,” Johnny responds.

“I’m gonna make kimchi fried rice. Does anyone want some?”

The guys look at each other, silently debating it with nothing more than eye contact. A few of them nod, before Taeyong says.

“You must be tired. I’ll make it, you get some rest.”

Taeyong doesn’t know the exact way that Haechan likes his kimchi fried rice. That’s the exact reason why Taeil wants to have that for dinner.

“No. I want to make it.”

“Let us help at least,” Jungwoo offers.

“Okay.” That will work. “I’ll take a shower, then we’ll start. Come upstairs in like twenty minutes.”

* * *

Everyone takes a role with helping in their own way. Once they get started and Taeil starts to organize them and scold them a bit, Johnny and Yuta dip, volunteering to go get drinks instead of staying with him in the kitchen. Jungwoo tries to be a mediator, while Taeyong follows instructions and Doyoung wants to do it his way. Jaehyun manages to get away without getting scolded by offering to set the table, and by taking Taeil’s side when Doyoung gets a bit snappy.

Taeil doesn’t want to be this controlling, but he wants to make the meal the way Haechan likes it and Haechan’s specific with his kimchi fried rice. He likes it with a lot of chopped kimchi, some pork belly, a few secret ingredients and a sprinkle of cheese on top. He’s made it many times for him, he practically has it memorized. The secret is slightly caramelizing white onions before he puts the kimchi in. It’s not something he did before, but Haechan loves caramelized onions, so he added them in the first time he made it for Haechan. It was a hit, so he didn’t change the recipe again.

Taeil takes a photo of the finished fried rice in the pan, and after plating it he takes a photo of everyone around the table, enjoying it. Dream are on the west coast today, so it’s too early to call.

_[IMG19772.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19780.jpeg]_

The reply to the pictures comes as Taeil heads to bed.

_That looks freaking perfect._  
_You’re just making me drool now._

_Mission accomplished._

_[IMG30926.jpeg]_  
_Central Park’s stupid without you._

It’s absolutely inspired by how he perceives the statement, and it might stem from Taeyong’s insistence a few nights ago, but Taeil feels easy saying it.

_Take me with you next time._

_I’d love to._  
_I will_

Okay. Twenty-two more days.

* * *

Twenty days before Haechan’s return, Taeil wakes up to an amazing surprise.

Ever since he repotted the plants Haechan got him, he’s been worried about whether or not they were damaged in the process, whether they will survive or not. This morning, as he pours a bit of water in the croton and the hibiscus plant he notices a small little bud on the hibiscus.

It’s going to bloom!

He takes his phone from the nightstand and he immediately takes a picture to send to Haechan.

_Look!!!_  
_[IMG19801.jpeg]_  
_Do you see it?_

_What am I supposed to be seeing?_

_Left of the big leaf._  
_Don’t make me circle it for you._

_Ooooh!_  
_It’s so tiny. But it’s going to turn into a flower!_

_Yes!!_  
_I can’t believe it._  
_I thought I did a bad job with the repotting._  
_But I didn’t._  
_It’s not only surviving, it’s thriving!!_

_Send me a picture if I’m not there to see it when it blooms._

_Of course!_  
_Thank you so much for the plants._  
_This is making me really happy right now._

_Anything for you babe._

The nickname has Taeil spiraling for five minutes before his alarm goes off. He remembers that Haechan doesn’t mean it that way and that he has to head to the studio.

* * *

He’s not sure what does it. If it’s the night he spent with friends, or the memories of him and Haechannie that came back to him, but it’s like he’s unstuck. It might even be the nickname that Haechan texted hours prior. He listens to some of the slightly faster instrumentals he worked on, and happy lyrics just come out.

He switches from one song to another, and he gets things done. He stays in the studio until after midnight, not wanting to interrupt the streak that he’s on. It’s the most productive studio day that he’s had ever since he began working on his solo.

When he gets back to the dorms everyone except Doyoung is asleep. Doyoung is waiting for him, Taeil deduces this because Doyoung’s on the 10th floor couch, along with that really soft blanket he takes everywhere with him and a book in his lap.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Taeil offers a smile.

“Are you okay? With Haechan gone, I know it’s hard… for you,” Doyoung says, moving so Taeil can take a seat next to him on the couch. Taeil accepts the offer, taking the chance to clear the air.

“It has nothing to do with Haechan.”

Doyoung gives him a look which forces Taeil to just accept that his friends know. He follows it up by saying, “I love the guy, not as much as you and not in the same way, obviously, but I’m also enjoying the peace and quiet we’re having. It’s so much calmer.” Taeil chuckles. Haechan and Doyoung have an intense friendship that is built on bickering. To people outside they seem like they’re not close at all, but in reality, it’s the complete opposite. “You were gone all day long, so I got worried,” Doyoung finally says. Taeil doesn’t expect that.

“I had a very productive day in the studio. I actually wrote lyrics today, got a few songs ready to record. Nothing to worry about,” he informs him. If he knew that he was worrying his members this much he would’ve sent a text. He’ll do that next time. He won’t put his phone on silent cause he’s too focused on the work either.

“Can’t wait to hear them,” Doyoung smiles at him and Taeil smiles back.

A beat follows, prompting Taeil to ask the same question Doyoung did.

“Are you okay?”

Doyoung looks at him with confusion. “Yeah. Why are you asking?”

“I didn’t expect you to wait up for me. I’m a little taken aback.”

“You’re my best friend Illie. Of course I’m gonna wait if I’m worried about you.”

The words make Taeil feel warm, he can’t help but allow himself to smile. He knew that this was the case, they’re each other’s best friend. They just don’t say it nearly enough.

“You’re my best friend too. If something’s up, I’m gonna tell you in advance.”

“You say that, but you’ve been in love with Haechan for years and you still haven’t told me,” Doyoung says matter-of-factly. Now where does he get that from?

“Years? Not years. Months maybe.”

“Months? A year at least,” Doyoung states, smiling.

“It hasn’t been that long.”

“And you’re still not saying it. Just say it so I can go to bed,” Doyoung insists. It sounds like a plea, but there’s a note of teasing in Doyoung’s voice. “Own up to it so we can all move on with our lives.”

“That’s not gonna achieve anything.”

“You need to do something in order to achieve things. Say it, Illie-ah. Come on.”

“Fine,” Taeil accepts his fate. He clears his throat, looks at Doyoung, and says it for the first time in his life, “I’m in love with Haechan.”

Doyoung nods and smiles, accepting the statement. “Now off to bed. I’m gonna finish this chapter and head to Jungwoo’s room.”

Ah. Of course. Now it makes even more sense as to why Doyoung is upstairs.

“I see.”

“Yeah. Johnny’s sleeping in Mark’s room.”

They have an understanding. No one makes a big deal out of dating within the group, or the things that come along with dating. It's just nice to know in advance where not to show up so no one interrupts anything. Taeil didn’t get the memo, but didn’t fuck up on sheer luck.

“I’m really glad I was too tired to stop by the 5th floor.”

“Me too.”

He leaves Doyoung to finish his chapter so he can also head to bed. He keeps it down as he gets inside the room and changes, not wanting to wake Yuta up. The only thing he does before actually falling asleep is text Haechan an update because now that he actually said it, Haechan is all he can think about.

_I was really busy today._  
_Wrote lyrics for like 3 songs and I think I figured out a 4th one._  
_The hibiscus hasn’t bloomed yet_

_It’s 2am, go to bed._  
_Also_  
_I’m proud of you._  
_I’ll text you before the show_

* * *

_[IMG31121.jpeg]_

Haechan texts another selfie where he wears one of Taeil’s shirts, and the little stuffed turtle Taeil won in the claw machine. It’s the first thing that Taeil sees in the morning, and it sparks a bit of vengeance in him. Two can play that game. He was going to do it anyway, the dorms are kind of chilly today.

“He stole some of mine,” he tells Johnny when he catches him looking through Haechan’s closet.

“I don’t care,” Johnny says to him, not looking up from his phone, “But take the purple one, it’s his favorite.”

“Thank you.”

_[IMG19836.jpeg]_

_Fuck._

He isn’t sure what Haechan means by that, but it makes him excited nevertheless.

* * *

Being in a good mood makes him get gutsy. He decides it’s the perfect morning to share the idea he had a few days back.

“Would either of you be willing to write a verse for my album? I have this song that would be perfect for a rap.”

He kind of corners Taeyong in the 5th floor dining room while he’s having breakfast with Jaehyun. In his morning afterglow when he’s in his best mood is Taeil’s best chance to get a good answer. At the same time, Taeil has Mark on speakerphone. He needs an answer from both of them, so two birds with one stone.

That weird telepathy thing they have apparently also works when they’re not in the same room.

“Absolutely,” they both say in unison. It’s weird how they pull that off.

“So I’ll email you both what I have so far, and you’ll figure out the rest.”

“Yep, no problem,” Taeyong smiles excitedly, “I’m so happy you’re finally finishing songs.”

“Why weren’t you finishing songs?” Mark asks.

“He misses Haechan too much,” Jaehyun is the one that answers instead of him. Isn’t Jaehyun the only one that stays out of people’s business? Even he knows.

“Aw, Illie-ah. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. It has nothing to do with Haechan,” he responds immediately. By the looks on Jaehyun and Taeyong’s face it’s like he said the opposite, “I regret this already.”

* * *

Being in Haechan’s clothes, hugging his body pillow, looking at the plants and stuffed animals. That’s what Taeil does when missing Haechan feels like he has a hole in his chest. It helps, but at the same time it makes Taeil miss Haechan more. He tosses and turns in bed one night, the closeness of Haechan’s body pillow isn’t enough. The smell of Haechan is just a memory on it, it’s fading more and more by the minute.

So Taeil goes to the closest thing to a source that he can get to at the moment. He takes his phone and the body pillow, and he heads downstairs.

Johnny is as big of a night owl as Haechan, it’s why they make good roommates, so Taeil isn’t too afraid of knocking on his door and asking to come in. He doesn’t expect to be turned down. He also doesn’t expect for Johnny to be asleep. It’s only 1am, it’s too early for him.

He didn’t mean to wake him up.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” he asks as he peaks into the room after Johnny answers with a grumbly ‘come in’.

“Why?” Johnny asks him. Even half asleep he’s ready to tease him. Through half-shut eyes, Johnny is still looking at him knowingly.

“Yuta snores.”

“Yuta never snores.”

“Yuta’s snoring tonight,” Taeil says. Lies. All lies. Johnny’s known him for long enough to read through him.

“You’re annoying me with your lies and intrusions. Just close the door and go to sleep.”

They exchange goodnight wishes as Taeil gets comfortable under Haechan’s covers and Johnny turns off the lights.

After that it’s almost like he didn’t struggle at all with falling asleep upstairs, because in Haechan’s bed he falls asleep moments after his head hits the pillow and he feels the familiar scent that he’s been missing.

Sixteen days is basically nothing.

* * *

Taeil’s on autopilot for a week straight. Studio, home, video games with Jaehyun, movies with Jungwoo. He keeps himself busy to stop himself from letting his thoughts run wild. When he doesn’t do that, he does dangerous things.

But doing something dangerous makes all of his doubts go away and brings justification to all of his feelings.

Taeil is out of his mind that morning. That must be the case because when he starts wondering if Haechan misses him as much as he does, he just does it. If he wants, he can blame it on the fact that Johnny left him alone in the room. He can blame it on the fact that he had a good night's sleep in Haechan’s bed and the fact that he can somehow feel him, but he needs to face the music. He’s not thinking straight and getting jealous of things he cannot prove.

_Jenoooo???_

_Bongsikiee!!!_

_Can I ask you for a favor?_

_Always._

_Can I ask you a question that you’ll answer but you won’t tell anyone else that I asked you?_

_Ummm. What is the question?_  
_I mean, yes_  
_What can I help you with?_

_How’s Haechan?? What’s he up to? Is he behaving?_

_That’s three questions._  
_He’s fine. Very normal. Just the usual._  
_Annoying Renjun and Mark. Teaming up with Jaemin._  
_He’s behaving the way he always does._  
_Very normal_

_He doesn’t seem a bit sad?_

_No?_  
_Why would he be sad?_

Right. Why would he? He doesn’t miss Taeil the way Taeil misses him. He has no reason to be sad or not himself because Haechan isn’t secretly in love with him.

_Nvm_  
_I misunderstood him then_  
_Thank you Jenooo!!!!_

Taeil can’t believe it.

He’s over here, feeling miserable, writing songs that are sad even when they’re happy, all the while Haechan is his normal self. The thought of him not missing Taeil as much as Taeil misses him is both a soothing and a horrible one. Taeil wouldn’t wish this on his biggest enemy. Taeil would like to know that Haechan gives a shit as much as he does, though, so he can justify his own insane behavior.

How is he supposed to talk himself into confessing when he knows it’s not reciprocated.

* * *

Taeil sinks back into the bed and he begins feeling embarrassed. Because of what he just did, of what he feels, of what he admitted to Doyoung. He’s embarrassed of what all of his friends think. How could he let himself get to this point? He was always going to fall for Haechan, it’s Haechan. He’s perfect. But he still shouldn’t have let himself get this far. This is pathetic as it is.

He stares at the ceiling and sighs, trying to find calm in the storm that he feels on the inside. But the attempt doesn’t last too long. Haechan calls him on facetime like ten minutes after he sends the last text to Jeno, and Taeil makes a mental note not to trust Jeno with matters of the heart any time soon. He scrambles for a few seconds, wondering if he should answer, what he should do.

He has to answer. He clears his throat before he answers, sits on the bed and positions his phone in front of his face.

“Hey Haechannie. What a surprise.”

Haechan’s calling him from the tour bus and smiling like he knows. The sight makes Taeil’s stomach turns. Shit.

“What are you up to?” Haechan queries, keeping the smile intact. Taeil missed his voice so much.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Haechan crooks an eyebrow. He narrows his eyes next, bringing his face closer to the phone screen, “Wait, that’s not your room.”

In all that scrambling Taeil did, he managed to make the bed, fix his hair, open the curtains, but he didn’t even for a moment think to get out of the room.

“I will call you right back.”

“No! Don’t you dare,” Haechan raises his voice in urgency before he points out the obvious, “You’re in my room. You’re in my bed.”

Okay. Time for Taeil to lie like his life depends on it.

“I’m just waiting for Johnny. We’re going out.” Taeil crosses his fingers that Haechan will believe him.

“It’s like nine am and you’re in your pajamas. You’re still in bed. You’re sleeping in my bed.” It doesn’t take Haechan much time to deduce any of that, not that Taeil thought it would. Haechan’s possibly the smartest out of all the people in Taeil’s life. He was just hoping that he’d let it slide. The embarrassment is getting too much. “You miss me. Admit it!”

Nope. Another lie to cover up that one will have to do.

“We’re just watching a movie. It’s my day off, I didn’t feel like changing.”

“Where is he then? And you just said that you were going out,” Haechan notes. He’s laughing as he speaks. Taeil on the other hand begins to feel guilty. He looks down, then looks away. He can’t look at Haechan’s face. This is the moment he’s gonna lose him. All because of his stupid feelings. Haechan calls him out on it all, somehow knowing everything, “Stop lying Illie-ah. Time for the truth. You’re miserable without me. You can’t even look at me through a freaking phone screen without blushing. Tell me the truth.”

Taeil’s pushed in a corner, he has to admit the truth.

“I miss you,” he finally admits it. Haechan’s smile changes. He’s no longer laughing at him, he seems kind of happy to hear that, actually.

“I miss you too. So, so much,” he says, and it sounds far too genuine to be a joke. He says it calmly and with conviction. He’s serious. Right. Is Taeil hearing it correctly? “I’m lucky that I have distractions on the daily or I would’ve gone insane by now.”

He is hearing it correctly.

“What are you saying?”

“That you love me.”

With that, the tone of the conversation changes again. Is this a game to Haechan?

“I’m hanging up,” Taeil returns.

“Do it. If only I didn’t have your number. And the numbers to all the people you live with. I’ll call everyone until you talk to me,” Haechan threatens, “Don’t make me call Jungwoo or bother Doyoung.”

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s hilarious cause you don’t even have the balls to say it.”

“I have nothing to say,” Taeil lies, making Haechan pause. He holds the camera still, his eyes darting all over the screen. It makes Taeil nervous. The tension that builds in that pause is so strong, it’s basically tangible, and they’re on different continents. Then what’s going to happen the next time they’re in the same room?

“I’m in love with you too.”

Taeil has to put a hand over his chest in an attempt of keeping his heart from jumping out.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Why would I lie to you?” Haechan asks in return. It’s a question that Taeil doesn’t have the answer to. He doesn’t know why. He’s just afraid that that might be the case. The moment gets interrupted by what Taeil realizes is Jaemin’s voice.

“Haechan! Go to bed! We need to get up in like four hours.”

“I’m confessing to the love of my life. Give me five fucking minutes!”

Did he just say that? Out loud? For everyone to hear?

“Oh my god,” Taeil groans, unable to compute what just happened, “Go to bed, we’ll talk when you get up.”

“No. Wait. Since you’re not going to say it, I will. We’re dating starting today,” Haechan says. He’s serious, Taeil realizes, and that gives so much more weight to the confession. “I’ll talk to you about this in great detail when I get back cause there’s no privacy on this bus. Nine days.”

Nine days is nothing. Taeil is in the studio for three of them.

“Sleep tight,” he says to Haechan.

“And what else?”

He knows exactly what Haechan’s after, and he no longer feels a need to stop himself from saying it. Time for the truth, Haechan said it himself. Everyone already knows anyway. There’s no point in denying it. He’s done that to himself for long enough.

“I love you,” he tells him with a smile on his face.

“I love you too.”

Haechan plants a peck on his front camera, then he ends the call.

Did all of that just happen or is Taeil having some weird fever dream? All of those nerves and doubts, denying himself the feelings, pretending in front of everyone that nothing’s going on.

He’s dating Haechan now. The thought of it makes him smile, gives him a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. Taeil’s excited. He’s happy. He’s worried, but in a good way. In the way of, now he needs to plan a date, and he wants it to be great. And he’s worried because when Haechan returns there will be firsts. First dates and kisses, first nights together. Things he hasn’t done in years. He’s rusty.

He’s so excited to get to know the romantic side of Haechan.

Taeil’s maybe alone for two minutes, processing the entire thing and trying to gather himself, before Johnny and Jungwoo walk into the room.

“You and Haechan confessed and started dating?” Johnny asks him, looking at Taeil for the confirmation.

“Mark texted me,” Jungwoo further explains.

Mark and his freaking inability to keep a secret for longer than a minute.

“Can anything stay a secret in this group?”

“Nope,” both of the members shake their heads, still expecting for Taeil to say something.

“We’re dating now. I have feelings for him and Haechan told me he has feelings for me.”

“Congratulations hyung. You finally figured out what we already know,” Jungwoo tells him, then walks away as if it’s no big deal at all.

What do they mean, they already knew?

* * *

What Taeil’s glad about, even more than Johnny letting him sleep in Haechan’s bed is that he doesn’t appear to be meddling. He doesn’t ask the annoying questions of ‘Are you okay?’ and ‘How are you holding up?’. Taeil knows that his friends mean well, but it still sucks having to answer the question. The real answer won’t change the fact that he still has a week to wait before the issue he has is solved. In a week Haechan will be back.

Instead of Johnny touching any of those subjects again, he talks about a subject that’s not odd whatsoever for him to bring up.

“You are not recording the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“Then we should go out. All of us. I need a change. I’ve been stuck inside for too long.”

Taeil isn’t sure what constitutes too long for Johnny cause he knows that he was out with Yuta a few nights ago. They might not have the same definition of being stuck inside, but he does like the idea. He needs a break, but not because he feels like he’s been stuck inside for too long. He simply needs to clear his head so he can process the new developments.

Johnny tends to be the one that wants to go out the most, and makes plans for everyone all the time. If it wasn’t for him, most of the members wouldn’t have much of a social life beside the one in the dorms.

“Sure,” Taeil agrees, “Do you have any ideas where you’d like to go?”

“Not really. We’ll figure it out tomorrow. I’ll plan the whole thing.”

“Alright,” he says, seconding it with a nod, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Johnny asks him, seemingly clueless.

“Not teasing me about yesterday.”

“To your face.”

He can count on Johnny to be honest with him. Taeil already figured that they are lovingly cracking jokes about him being slow behind his back. He just appreciates that they’re allowing him to process this on his own.

“That was a given.”

* * *

The stuffed animals Haechan got him are now set up on the shelf across Haechan’s bed so Taeil can look at them as he falls asleep and as he wakes up. They used to be in the same position upstairs for the same reason. Looking at them makes Taeil feel calmer.

He starts taking them with himself to the studio. Now that he finished the instrumentals he’s no longer by himself in there. He has an engineer with him to help him run things smoothly. Adjusting to that is a bit odd at first. The company assigns someone that seems nice, but hasn’t worked with Taeil’s style of music before, so they’re both adjusting to each other. It takes a day or two in the studio for them to actually form the team they need to be and to start working in unison.

He puts whatever stuffed animal he chooses for the day with himself in the booth, it helps him channel his Haechan emotions into the singing.

What he gets even more excited about, compared to recording the songs, is finishing the day’s work and going back home. The moment he does that it means his work day is over, usually the day itself too. One less day until Haechan’s return.

_[IMG19872.jpeg]_  
_This was my recording booth setup today._

_[IMG31325.jpeg]_  
_This was my tour bus bed setup for the entire tour._

He’s showing off his own stuffed animal, making Taeil’s heart flutter.

_Why did you bring the stuffed puppy to the studio?_

_It screams Haechan energy and I’m in dire need of some Haechan energy._

_I’m in dire need of some Taeil._  
_Lucky for us both we have just one more week_

_This is the last thing I expected would happen_

_What?_  
_Both of us confessing?_  
_I didn’t think it would happen while I was on tour, no._  
_I really thought you’d say it to my face._  
_But_  
_I’ve been waiting for this for years though, so I’m not going to complain_

_Years?_

_Ah._  
_I’m thinking about you being clueless and getting frustrated_  
_Send selfies of you in my bed when you have the time._  
_In my gray hoodie_  
_It’s for science._

Sure it is.

_I need something to hold me over_  
_Satisfy my possessive side please!_

Taeil kind of likes the implication of that last statement, and he decides to do it. In the morning though, it’s too late for him to look through the mess called Haechan’s closet. He’s gonna organize the shit out of it on his next day off.

* * *

Taeil grabs his phone as soon as he wakes up the following morning. He’s slept a bit more than his usual, taking full advantage of his day off, so there is already a message waiting for him to answer.

_So I hear you’ve been sleeping in my bed for longer than I thought_

_Who snitched?_

_I’m not revealing my sources._

_Jungwoo?_

_[IMG26317.jpeg]_  
_[IMG26466.jpeg]_  
_[IMG26529.jpeg]_  
_[IMG26585.jpeg]_

Turns out Johnny’s updated Haechan about his antics, he took pictures of Taeil in Haechan’s bed. Not like Taeil expected that to stay a secret too.

_Why did you ditch your own bed?_

It’s going to sound ridiculous, he’s sure. But he has to be truthful here.

_I initially just took your body pillow_  
_But the body pillow doesn’t smell like you anymore._  
_I needed to feel close to you._

_Fuck me._

_Not for 6 more days._

_Send me those pictures of you in my bed that I asked for._  
_PLEASE and THANK YOU._

_Later._  
_Johnny’s still asleep, I don’t want to wake him up._

_Promise?_

_I promise._  
_You’re getting a lot of pictures._  
_We’re going somewhere later._

_I’ll remind you again_  
_Wear my gray hoodie_  
_You know the one_  
_All day long_

_Deal._

_Eat well at breakfast._  
_I’m waiting for those photos._

_And a good afternoon to you._

* * *

Johnny and Jungwoo come with the genius idea of going to a new theme park they haven’t been to before. They haven’t done one of those excursions in a while, so it sounds potentially fun.

It’s not too crowded there, being the middle of the work week and all, so they don’t feel stressed about being out in public. There aren’t long lines, it’s like they picked the perfect day to make the trip. They travel around the park as a group, going on rides together. It’s sunny but somehow a little chilly. It’s the perfect weather for Haechan’s oversized gray hoodie.

“How far along have you come with the album?” Doyoung queries.

Taeil’s sitting in the middle between him and Jungwoo while they’re going up on the ferris wheel. Jungwoo loves ferris wheels.

“I started recording. I have a few more songs to finish though. I’m afraid of losing motivation though, I’m really nervous,” he says, knowing that both his friends will know exactly what he’s saying.

“I might be able to help with that,” Jungwoo tells him, “Every time I’m starting to lose motivation for something I just remember that once I finish it, I’ll be free from the responsibility of finishing it. Instead of not writing because you’re nervous, write so you can finish and clear up your schedule.”

“That could work,” Doyoung agrees, “If that doesn’t work we can all come and hype you up while you’re recording.”

“Anything you need,” Jungwoo offers, “I doubt Haechan will allow you to be nervous about it when he returns though.” It could be a backhanded one, but the comment sounds too genuine to be that. Jungwoo’s next action only proves that it’s genuine. Without making the moment serious, he immediately switches to a different subject. “I need fries. Let’s get fries when the ride is over. And let’s get selfies for Haechan while we’re here.”

Taeil’s been taking photos way more than usual, the rest of the members took note of what he’s up to very quickly. They’ve been encouraging it all day long.

He sends many of them to Haechan that night, on the drive back to the dorms.

_[IMG19902.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19904.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19911.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19914.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19920.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19921.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19928.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19933.jpeg]_

_You had corn dogs without me?_  
_Traitor!!!!!_

_They have corn dogs in the US._

_They’re not as crunchy._  
_And if you ask for ketchup on it they look at you funny and then don’t give you ketchup._  
_Last week I asked for ketchup and mayo and the man refused to sell me the hot dog_  
_Not even plain without anything else on it_  
_Hot dogs and corn dogs are a 3-sauce deal, not just mustard._  
_They’re crazy I swear._  
_I hate plain mustard._  
_At least put some honey in it, jeez._

_I’ll order some for when you get back._  
_Like a bag of them._

_Sounds like a plan._  
_…_  
_…_  
_Where are the bed selfies though?_

_Ah!_  
_Here._  
_[IMG19896.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19898.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19899.jpeg]_

_Illie-ah._  
_You’re beautiful._  
_And you’re right where you belong._

Reading that last line knocks the air out of Taeil. Shit. The impact Haechan has from so many miles away leaves him blushing for about an hour.

_My heart is full of love._  
_Now I can properly start my day._

_I miss you_

_I miss you more_

* * *

Taeil can’t stop thinking about what Jungwoo said. The quicker you get things done, the more free time you’ll have after the fact. It’s absolutely true. The thought of it is like fuel to him. If he finishes the songs now, he’ll have more free time to hang out with Haechan when he gets back. Very simple.

Taeyong informs him that he and Mark are going to split the verse between themselves and he plays him a rough demo that they’ve both made with their phones. It sounds perfect, exactly like Taeil wanted it to, but with more meaningful lyrics than he expected there to be. He knew he could trust them with the task, but they went beyond it. Their effort only makes him more excited to get the album done and to share it with his fans.

The happy song lyrics start to come more easily to him now. Actually happy ones, not lyrics about what could be that carry more pain and frustration than happiness. The excitement of there being just a few days before the guys come back helps too. But what helps more is that though he misses Haechan, they have both found ways to grow their relationship and to have couply moments despite the distance. That’s just more material to write about.

So he speeds up a bit. He has three consecutive days of studio time where he starts recording and rerecording bits until he gets as close to perfect as he can. He gets things done.

Three more days, and all he has to do is write lyrics for two more songs and finish the one with Taeyong and Mark.

Just three more days. Easy.

* * *

Once Haechan’s return gets really close a different type of melancholy begins to hit him. With just two more days until Haechan returns, Taeil starts wearing his clothes on a daily basis, because he starts missing him even more. There is a yearning in him that he can’t extinguish in any other way.

He waters all the plants that morning, focusing on tending to them for an extended period of time. He observes them for a few minutes too, and he decides to take photos and send them to Haechan as an update.

_[IMG19941.jpeg]_  
_Update on the plants._  
_[IMG19942.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19944.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19945.jpeg]_  
_The bud grew bigger, but it hasn’t opened yet._  
_The rest of the plants are thriving too._  
_I think it’s gonna bloom after you arrive_  
_I’m getting ready for my studio time today._  
_Last day of studio before you come back._

He knows what Haechan’s going to enjoy more, so he also takes a selfie in one of his shirts. He’s once again in his bed, with Haechan’s body pillow next to him and the stuffed animals around. That’s what he sends next.

_[IMG19953.jpeg]_  
_[IMG19958.jpeg]_

_[IMG31382.jpeg]_  
_Update on everyone_  
_We’re tiiiired_  
_Fuuck!!!_  
_I just realized what you’re wearing._  
_You’re playing dirty Illie-ah._  
_You have no idea how frustrated I’m getting._

_Two days_  
_Can you wait that long?_

_Yes_  
_Two days_

* * *

As his final day of studio time before Haechan’s return comes to a natural end, with Taeil finishing yet another song, he starts to pack up his things. Today he brought the stuffed elephant with himself for moral support, he’s carefully putting it in his backpack when he gets a text from Taeyong.

_What time do you expect to be home?_

_I’m done for the day. I should be home in twenty minutes._

_Okay. We’ll wait for you for dinner then._

_Thanks. But you don’t have to._

_We kind of do._

_Why? Is everything okay?_

_Yeah._

Taeyong telling him that everything is okay doesn’t exactly soothe Taeil’s nerves. The randomness of it throws him off and he begins to worry. So he hurries home. Something must’ve happened. Taeyong rarely makes a big deal of all of them sharing a meal. Why is today special?

When he gets home he finds all the members in the same place. His worries only grow.

“What’s going on?” he asks, looking at his members. He’s having a hard time reading them at the moment. They seem serious, but relaxed at the same time.

“Nothing. We’re just setting the table,” Johnny says to him and shrugs. Taeil looks at Yuta next. Their eyes meet and Yuta winks at him, then smiles.

Okay. Something is going on. But by the expression on Yuta’s face it’s nothing serious.

“Do you need help?”

“No. We have this under control. Freshen up and come,” Taeyong tells him with a smile. Out of everyone Yuta seems the most reliable here.

He does as told, realizing that doing that is the only way for him to get to the truth. He goes to Haechan and Johnny’s room, takes a quick shower to rinse the day off his skin, and changes into comfortable clothes before returning to a set table and a home-cooked meal.

Taeil isn’t sure what to think though as he compares the aloofness on Yuta’s face to the discomfort on Jungwoo’s. Luckily, for everyone’s sake, it doesn’t take long for his members to reveal themselves once everyone is seated and they start eating.

“We were wondering,” Taeyong begins, only to be interrupted by Doyoung.

“You were wondering,” he corrects him, and Jaehyun who’s sitting in between them rolls his eyes.

“We were wondering if you have everything you need,” Taeyong finishes his sentence. Taeil’s unclear on what he’s alluding to.

“What do you mean?”

Jungwoo groans, by his demeanor he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“You know. The things you need. For… You know.”

“We talked about you two being bottoms and what your kink is like a week ago, and now you can’t even say the word lube?” Yuta asks Taeyong, his question met with smiles and snickering from the rest of the group. Except Jungwoo and Jaehyun. Poor Jungwoo who’d rather not talk about it this openly, and Jaehyun who’s blushing. It’s not like their sex life is a secret. Jaehyun is too shy about it for someone who is so loud.

Taeil takes a moment to wrap his head around what Taeyong’s asking.

“I have what I need,” he responds.

“Everything?” Johnny is the one to make sure.

“Yep.”

“Do you know about douching?” Taeyong asks next. More groans follow, while Yuta chuckles. He’s the only one that’s not uncomfortable in this situation. It takes a lot to make Yuta uncomfortable.

“We’re eating,” Doyoung reminds him.

Taeil connects the dots then.

“Are you trying to give me the talk Yongie?”

Taeyong looks caught. He clears his throat and says, “It’s important to be safe.”

Taeil tries hard not to laugh because it looks as though Taeyong doesn’t remember, and now he has to remind him in front of everyone.

“I gave you the talk.”

Taeyong thinks about, narrowing his eyes. He has a light-bulb moment a few seconds later. “Right! You did!” he acknowledges.

The subject ends with that, and so does the discomfort.

Jungwoo finally relaxes.

* * *

Taeil goes into panicked, my boyfriend’s coming back tomorrow mode, and starts cleaning the entire building. Normally, when he’s nervous, he exercises, or practices. He’s not sure where the urge to clean comes from, but he takes advantage of it.

It also comes time for him to move his things back upstairs. It’s a bit bittersweet. He’s gonna miss Haechan’s bed, but he misses Haechan more, and this means he’s coming back.

He’s counting down the hours as he makes sure that Haechan’s room is in order and he has a place to rest when he arrives.

_I’m about to get on the plane_  
_Tomorrow_

_I’m well aware_  
_Try to get some rest on the plane_

_I will_  
_See you in the morning_

_Love you_

_Love you too_

Taeil thinks he can make it until tomorrow morning.

“It’s good to have you back upstairs,” Yuta says to him, “Missed having someone keep me quiet company.”

“I missed your quiet company too.”

It’s good to be back in the same space with Yuta. He functions better in the same room with him than he does with Johnny. Maybe it’s more of a habit, but with Yuta he functions in harmony. He can rely on him at all times.

* * *

In the morning he has to skip breakfast. He’s too nervous to eat. He couldn’t really fall asleep, and his stomach grumbles, but he can’t eat or drink anything, not even a sip of water because of the lump in his throat.

He’s walking around the building, not just the tenth floor. He’s erratically going up and down the stairs, pacing, trying to stick for a conversation with some of the members, but one thought of Haechan and how he’s coming back makes him flustered. He can feel himself flush, and he needs to walk away. He goes to a different floor and the same thing happens.

It gets worse when he gets the text from Haechan telling him that they landed. Even worse when Haechan tells him that they’re in the car and on their way. Jaehyun tries to help him calm down, giving his shoulders a bit of a massage as he talks about how mundane the entire thing is because he’s known Haechan for so long. Tries is the keyword, not that Taeil isn’t thankful, but the pep talk riles him up even more. So he goes downstairs for some more pacing.

Taeil’s on the fifth floor, attempting a conversation with the members who have gathered in anticipation, when Haechan arrives.

“Illie-ah!” he calls after him, smiling. Taeil immediately smiles back, warmth spreading in his chest. He’s suddenly so happy.

Haechan rushes towards him, disposing of everything he’s carrying along the way, leaving a line of items behind.

Taeil expects a hug and he’s ready to reciprocate it. But Haechan doesn’t wrap his arms around him. Haechan’s hands land on the sides of Taeil’s face, and their lips meet soon after.

On instinct his hands land on the small of Haechan’s back as he kisses him carefully, his soft lips lightly pulling on Taeil’s, only allowing the kiss to grow after he feels Taeil kissing him back.

“There’s other people here too, you know,” Jungwoo jokes, prompting for them to break the kiss.

“I’m not kissing any of you,” Haechan says to their friends, turning his head to shoot a threatening look towards them as he places his arms on Taeil’s shoulders.

“We’ve been taking care of your mopey boyfriend for weeks, at least you can say thank you,” Johnny retorts. Taeil can hear a smile in his voice, but he can’t make himself turn and look. His eyes are fixed on Haechan only as he tries to process the pounding in his chest. Haechan’s here. Haechan kissed him.

This is real?

“Don’t call my boyfriend mopey,” Haechan responds, then kisses Taeil again.

Boyfriend. This is real.

* * *

They get separated again, but only for about half an hour as Haechan settles back in his room, and Taeil goes to his to figure himself out enough so he doesn’t freak anyone out. Yuta helps with his cool and collected presence, up until the point when Haechan shows up upstairs in his and Yuta’s room. Taeil sees him and starts melting again.

“I don’t get how you didn’t know,” Haechan says, following it with, “I took you out on a date the night before I left.”

Wait.

“That was a date?”

“I provided flowers, a meal and entertainment. What the fuck do you do on dates?”

So Taeil wasn’t wrong to allow himself to think that? His instinct to read into that night wasn’t wrong?

If he wasn’t so hung up on thinking it was just him, he wouldn’t have waited this long.

“You couldn’t tell me beforehand?”

“I was enjoying the rising tension of the slow burn I was experiencing,” Haechan jokingly pouts, wrapping Taeil into a hug.

“I was suffering,” Taeil jokes back.

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

“I don’t know. I was scared that I’ll mess up our friendship.”

Haechan narrows his eyes, confused.

“I kiss and hug you all the time,” he states. It’s true, but apparently they don’t look at it the same way.

“You kiss and hug everyone.”

“Jealous?” he laughs.

“Very,” Taeil mimics his tone of voice.

“I’m all yours now,” Haechan suggestively crooks an eyebrow, letting go of the hug. He wraps his fingers around Taeil’s wrist and starts walking towards Taeil’s bed.

“Do you guys need me to leave you alone?” Yuta asks them. For a single moment Taeil forgot that they’re not on their own. Haechan shows up and Taeil forgets about the rest of the world.

“Not at all Yuta-hyung,” Haechan smiles, then addresses Taeil again, “I’m tired and I want to cuddle. Let’s go to bed.”

“You should. Taeil slept for like two hours,” Yuta lets Haechan know. He was so nervous that he couldn’t. He was trying all night. Being back in his own bed added onto it. He got so used to the contours of Haechan’s mattress.

“Come on Illie-ah. Be a good boyfriend,” Haechan says and he jumps onto Taeil’s bed. He gets under the covers and makes himself comfortable. He makes space for him on the bed, and Taeil gets in, promptly finding a position where he’s comfortable and Haechan’s in his arms. The response to his action comes as they both start to drift off to sleep. Haechan’s sleepy voice brings the smile back to Taeil’s face. “You’re the best.”

* * *

Just like Taeil expected, the bud on the hibiscus plant turns into a blossom only after Haechan returns. They get to see it on their first morning together.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading. i hope you enjoyed it.  
> please let me know what you thought.
> 
> for updates, questions and spoilers:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/newct127)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)


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